Somewhere along the way my MOJO just up’ed and disappeared… it left the building! And it has taken a long, long time for it to find it’s way back.
I’ve been lethargic – No matter how much sleep I get the lethargy has maintained it’s persistence.
I’ve had a serial case of procrastination – You know the ‘I’ll just do this first and then I’ll…’ but where the procrastination has spread it’s wings over a series of weeks! Okay, sometimes months!
Nothing has been motivating or fun. Actually I lie, my old addiction of spending money at the mall has been fun. But beyond that I’ve been struggling to find fun in things that I sincerely enjoy.
It’s been a case of wake up, put one foot in front of the other, go to work, stick to routine, go to sleep. REPEAT.
There have also been quite a lot of ‘I’m fine’ or ‘I’m all good’. But actually just disappearing into the oblivion to avoid those conversations altogether.
This happened once before – I’d been on maternity leave for just over twelve months, similarly it was the middle of winter and for a period of ten days I just didn’t leave the house, I didn’t even venture as far as the letterbox!!
That time around I had a WAIT. WHAT. moment. As soon as I was conscious of what I was doing, my brain snapped out of the fog, I realised something had to change, I made the decision to put Brooklyn into childcare, sent myself back to work and launched Hazed magazine.
This time it’s been a little trickier, I have been conscious of my behaviours, I have been conscious of the reason these behaviours have started, but it has been trickier to lift the fog and find my mojo again.
I finally listened to my Mother. Groan. And decided to visit a counsellor – and even though I walked away from the initial sessions thinking ‘what a waste of time’ – a lot of what the counsellor said has resonated to be true the more that I’ve thought about it.
This time it’s been a case of accept your reality. Make the changes that need to be made. Grieve and accept those changes and my new reality.
Now, I feel the fog lifting, I feel the motivation, drive and ambition returning. My mojo is coming back and I feel ready to take life by the horns and achieve the success I desire in all aspects of my life… within my family, my career, my hobbies and here’s hoping – in love.
So, why am I over-sharing on here? In a rambling and mostly incoherent post?
I thought you deserve an explanation for my absence.
And, more importantly I recognise that as creatives we are more temperament to the emotions that boggle our brain. That brain-boggling more often that not equals creativity and that maybe, one of the fellow indies who read this blog will understand this incoherent ramble and maybe just maybe relate to it?
Sometimes in life we loose our mojo, sometimes it takes a while to resurface. But once it does fabulousness like you’ve never seen can be achieved.
And I can only promise you that there is more fabulousness than you’ve ever seen just around the corner!